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I am African American woman, dating Igbo man

He hasn’t introduced me to his family after 2 yrs dating. We were in nursing school together. I have finished school he is still attending. He is 32 yrs old, I am 41. I have 3 children from previous marriage. He has met my family, mother children, everyone that means something to me.

I have only met his family in his church. They don’t know who I am, they think we are just friends. This saddens me at times. He told me that everything must be done in an orderly fashion and that it is not time yet to meet his family even though he met mine.

He said that was my decision to do that and that he is not the same. I have been learning how to make Nigerian meals and desserts. I am doing everything I can think of to let him know I love him and will always be there. I don’t know if he really wants to be with me.

I am confused. I wonder if he is embarrassed by me?? I am older and have children, but own a home and just graduated from Nursing School. I love him very much. I wonder if he does at times. Please help..

by Neesha
(Baltimore MD)

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Comments

  1. Watchman  September 12, 2017

    African American, Married to Nigeria
    by: Watch Man

    The only known problem with African men especially men from Nigeria is that they are often intimidated by a more successful female partner. Nigeria men are scared of walking down the aisle with a more successful women because we think they wouldn’t accord us the necessary ‘rights and respects’ if they are not “eating from our palm” (sort of)

    So I think he would come much around if he graduate and finds a decent job, then he would look like the man in charge when he introduces you to his people.

    In Nigeria, it is very condescending to eat from the palm of a woman (being sponsored or sort of) and showing it off even when you love her doesn’t pass you off as a real man

    That is just my two cents, you may wanna hear from other people before you come to a conclusion

    reply
  2. Other Commenters  September 12, 2017

    in response to African American woman, dating Igbo man
    by: Neesha

    Hello, and thank you. This helps alot. However, he does have a BS already, but is not using it because he found another desire which is nursing. He is working, actually very hard working at two jobs. Thank you, this has really helped me alot. It’s difficult understanding his thoughts at times because I am used to dealing with American men. Thank you..
    incredible
    by: Anonymous

    wooooooow
    perfect
    by: jeeze

    Interesting story,
    how did that really happened , well love might have made them loved each other, but is the love pure,
    because there are previous stories about a man who married a white woman but was killed after five month of marriage.
    so good luck
    great news
    by: cryme

    This is great,it is one of the best news ever.
    Nigerians are working
    and that gives me joy and it really strengthen me to wish to do more than this, I thought most Nigerians abroad go through hell to find a decent job, well maybe I should leave that to another thread

    The truth is, am dating a white girl aged 26 and our relationship is working fine and we had hope to get married soon
    Response, I am a African American woman, dating Igbo man
    by: Neesha

    Thanks for the responses, the good and the bad ones. I know he loves me, he makes that clear in the way he treats my children and I. I am going to wait and be patient. He knew when he approached me that I was 9 years older and he didn’t go running….and by the way, if we were to get married, both of us would be taking care of the expense. He works two jobs….that’s to the person who mentioned I would pay for it.
    bravo to the brave heart
    by: ENEMIES

    since that is your choice and his choice you got nothing to fear,
    but the other fact is that,he hasnt taken you to see his parents, hmmm that signals troubles but dont lack faith, just lock up tight and do your best neesha
    posting from canada
    by: CM PUNK

    holy shit.
    omg this is weird, it is dead drop nonsense.but it is your choice and you live your life any how you want it. Love is like a tree planted by the rivers of waters. so i don’t blame both of you, my only concern is why a man would want to stick with an older lady. but what can I say, it happens this days!
    in response
    by: Neesha

    In my defense, I would also like to add that I am in great shape and I don’t look 41, I have been told I look in my late 20’s early 30’s many times before. I am active and stay busy. So it’s not like he is dating a hum drum overweight wrinkled up old lady!!…:) Your right, I can have any one, he can have any one, but I want him.
    I am African American woman, dating Igbo man
    by: Watch Man

    For crying out loud, we are no longer in the eighteenth century. The world is changing, likewise culture, believe, patterns, people and a whole lot. I don’t think it is right or decent to categories people by their age or past.

    Different people are searching for partners with different kind of attitude and mojo, I don’t mind sticking up with a pretty lady that is 15 years older if she is as matured as I want and would deliver to me the dividends of marriage.

    My happiness comes first and most men have come to realize that too!

    Personally, I dislike armature girls.

    So allow every Man to make their own choices
    For American Women That Are Dating Nigeria Men
    by: Dave Anegbu

    Hello Neesha,

    Thanks for visiting our site. Here you find all information about Nigeria, the culture, clothing, religion, business and a whole lot.

    Our pages on Making Nigeria Foods will definitely appeal to you, you can learn to make virtually all the known foods eaten in Nigeria, from jellof rice to fried rice, different kinds of soups, salads and don’t forget to subscribe to the Nigeria Kitchen at the bottom of the pages if you want to perfect your knowledge at making Nigeria foods.

    The Nigeria Kitchen is a community of white and blacks who are interested in making easy and simple Nigeria foods.

    Here is more about – Nigerian Men for American Women Dating or Married To Nigeria or Igbo Men
    in response to David
    by: Neesha

    Thank you! I will check the link out. I do my best in making dishes. Jollof rice, nigerian cake, chicken stew, and suya. I am about to attempt Fufu…
    thank you Watch man
    by: Neesha

    I appreciate your comments! You speak the truth…
    good news
    by: truth

    this is a good news,
    i wish am the nigeria guy who have the priviledge to have someone like you,
    neesha just hold on to your love even though he hasnt introduce you to his parents,just have the faith that fate will bring you guys together.
    take care dear
    love is the key of life
    by: busta rhymes

    hi neesha, am happy you choose to love a nigeria,and it will be a great favour to every nigeria guy who has the opportunity to have you,
    even though you are older than him,love is the only fruit of life.
    i wish you good luck in every step you take.
    african america woman dating igbo man
    by: pastor

    jesus christ who dwells above heaven and make the earth his foot stool will make any body that will stop you from marrying him your foot stool.
    this is a great news,i love to hear news fill with wonders of the almighty GOD.
    neesha please be patient.
    Marrying igbo man
    by: Justices

    Good lord this is the greatest news i have ever heard in my life, but the truth is try to make him love you more than ever,
    igbo men are some times harsh but with the way i viewed your own situation,i realized that the love is flowing in your veins, it is not an easy task for a white woman to love an african man especially an igbo man,
    but since you both loved each other according to the way god want it, all i will say is good luck to you dear
    am really happy to read this post.
    in response
    by: Neesha

    Hello,
    to comment by “Justices”, I am actually black not white. Thank you for the wonderful comment. Any clues on how to make him love me MORE as you stated??
    to comment by “Pastor”, I hope I can remain patient. That is exactly what he asked me to do, be patient…
    to comment by “Busta Rhymes”, thank you, very sweet of you!
    to comment by “Truth”, thank you to you also, he is very sweet. I love him much. I can’t wait to meet his family on another level than just his friend from school.

    I will continue to wait. We exercise together, laugh together and have had sad moments together. An Igbo man is a very proud man with a very strong EGO…I don’t mind his ego, it’s attractive. I had to let go of my ego because I was a single mom working taking care of my home. the both of us can not have an EGO…that won’t work…so he wins..he gets to keep his. Mine had to go….it wasn’t easy.
    reply
    by: justice

    the only way to make an igbo man love you is to capture his heart, make sure you give him every thing he demands for, my joy is to see an happy family,
    neesha try all your posible best to have him by your side, igbo men are wonderful to be with.
    win him
    response to Justice
    by: Neesha

    Thank you!! I will keep trying my best. He is worth it. I guess I have to get a little creative. He doesn’t ask for much…so giving him what his heart desires shouldn’t be hard.
    update to my situation
    by: Neesha

    I was invited to a picnic where he played soccer. His friends were there and it was great! There were a few things I didn’t like..but overall it was great…The food and music was wonderful. I also recently went shopping and made Yam porridge, he like it alot! I am pretty proud of myself…Next I am trying Ogbono soup…hope that turns out well.

    He doesn’t have the same concept of quality time as I do…when He has something to do, that comes first…no matter what…sometimes days go by before I see him. Sometimes a day or two without actually talking to him on the phone..sometimes it’s just a text. I am trying to understand that he is doing alot and trying to accomplish alot.

    I love him. I am trying to understand him. he is difficult to understand at times. He told me I need to try to understand him and stop trying to figure him out.

    He loves me I know…that is only thing that is keeping me here…and ofcourse, I love him.
    Foods For Nigerian Men
    by: Peace Anegbu

    If you are dating a Nigerian Man but not too familiar with Nigerian foods, try out our perfect Guide For making Nigerian Foods, you would love it. It includes both written and video guides
    Igbo man
    by: Giselle

    Hi Neesha,

    I am dating an Igbo guy also. I am six years older than him. I think it’s good that he is not rushing to marry you since it shows that he is not just using you for citizenship reasons. Unlike my Igbo guy. I have happen to come across a youtube video that outlined how you can know if a Nigerian man is serious. I hope it all works out. Love is main thrust of life. I am still in search of finding my King. Just curious as to why he is gone for 2 days at a time?
    response to Giselle
    by: Neesha

    Hi, thanks for your comments! He is busy with work, errands for family, church mainly, then i fit in. Its hard at times but I’m getting used to it. He is trying to get his life and career straight now. I’m being patient.
    response to Giselle
    by: Neesha

    Oh, also, congratulations! Good for you, igbo men are wonderful men. Mine is a citizen since 19 yrs old. And where is this you tube video?? also, I really think he can’t introduce me yet until he has proven himself to be a man
    HE IS YOURS
    by: Nelly-Felix

    You are just lucky to have an Igbo man. They are very industrious, determined and make the best husbands in Africa.

    Over 70% of them are faithful and the few that flirt around never allow their wives to know.
    They value their wives very greatly and that probably explains why he is being VERY PATIENT & CAREFUL!

    He LOVES you but remember to take care of his stomach and make him totally beleive that he is in-charge.

    just give him a genuine love.
    in response to Nelly-Felix
    by: Neesha

    Hello, thank you for your comments. I am trying to be patient. We have had our ups and downs. He is still working a lot, not much time to see him. I know he loves me. I have increased my Nigerian meal adventures! I have added Egusi soup and Ogbono soup, both turned out wonderful!
    I give him the respect of being the man in our relationship. I am working as a R.N. he is completing his now. I am just seeing this biological clock click by. I will be 42 this year.. Thanks again for your comments.
    Nigerian men
    by: Anonymous

    Another reason why he is hesitant for you to meet his family is because you have children. Most Nigerian men won’t bring a women home that has children because of what his mother would say. But my dear just keep it in prayer.
    FROM UK
    by: Girl

    ALL I KNOW IS THAT THIS PEOPLE ARE THE BEST PEOPLE TO BE WITH,BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT MOST DO NOT WANT TO FALL IN DEEP LOVE WITH WOMEN WHO HAVE CHILDREN BEFORE KNOWING THEM.STILL LOVE HIM YOU WILL NEVER LOOSE BY BEEN WITH THEM .I LOVE THEM MYSELF
    I am African American woman dating an Igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    My dear, been in the same situation. The fact that I had 3 kids stood in the way. His family would not accept him marrying a woman who already has kids. He won’t say it but that’s the fact. The Igbo man will not go against his family’s decision. Let him go, you’ll find that right one for you. The earlier the better. I spent over 5 years waiting.
    African American Women dating African Man
    by: Oshodin05

    I’ve dated a few African men before I married one. Dating was ok but I gave my heart to one and he broke it. I gave it another try then married a Nigerian who left me moved away and is living his life with a whole new family. Sad part he won’t divorce me after I have asked for two years now. Some Nigerians do want to do right but BEWARE of the ones who fashion themselves after the American playa.
    response to my post
    by: Neesha

    this is for GIRL in UK:He really doesn’t care that I have children, he even wants me to bring him to his church with me but I have a home church. His parents attend his church, so they would know I have children and I talk about them all the time to his church family members.
    this is for anonymous: I am sorry that it didn’t work for you because you had children and I’m sorry you waited 5 yrs…I have waited 3 so far. I think I’m done
    this is for Oshodin05: I’m sorry that you met such a deceitful man. Igbo or American…not good! I hope your heart is healing. I hope you can let your heart open to someone again.
    Thank you guys for responding!!
    Users
    by: Terryce

    I beg of please don’t fall for that all lies Igbo men are users I know I was in same boat had 3 kids Married this man I got my tubes untied for him had a child an he got his citizenship an left me if you have to be a secret something not right if you can’t figure out if he loves you something’s not right get out of that relationship love your self focus on you an your kids feel good about you help yourself an your kids he’s going to hurt you he’s using you he don’t love you this is not love they on want citizenship please listen to me .
    Just know the culture before you settle in
    by: Tawny

    I was married to a Nigerian from Abujah (not sure I spelled that correctly) and after over ten years of marriage, I discovered he had been having affairs throughout our marriage. When I discovered this information, he told me, “I’m not gonna let the wind blow up my skirt.” That’s the first time I’d heard that phrase, but anyway, he became insensitive and neglectful to the extent that it lead to our divorce. I am Black American and I say Black American because I identify with where my parents and I were born and we were born here in America. I say Black because that is the group that my family has come to identify with. My culture doesn’t support multiple lovers or children by different females at least not legally. All I’m saying is study the culture, know what the expectations are before things become too serious to back out and hopefully you won’t have to. Be prepared that even though it may seem he prefers a monogamous relationship, he may later change his mind. Talk about it and look out for sudden changes in his patter of behavior.
    response to Terryce and Tawny
    by: Neesha

    Terryce: I’m very sorry he hurt you so badly. For any man to do is horrible…not all Igbo’s do that. I’ve seen my share of honest Igbo men. We have to be careful and patient when these men come our way to entice us to date them or be there lady.
    Tawny: I’ve studied the culture pretty well I think. They can be stubborn. My guy has his citizenship so not an issue for us. Its the time he spends with me that drives me crazy. And when his business, errands, favors, etc are done…then he comes to me. He has even been late for birthday dinner dates celebrations…both his and mine. I REALLY THINK I’M DONE WITH HIM…
    RUNNN!!
    by: Anonymous

    Just RUNNN! Been there done that!!
    be careful and watchful
    by: Anonymous

    Runn get out!!! I married man from same country, im american black female 30 yrs old. He met me when i was 21 in college he was 27. We dated, he confessed his love, claimed be christian had my whole family liking him. Then we got married the ugly truth surfaced. I got pregnant first time he was ok, second time he begged me abort it, told me he never truly loved me after 3 yr marriage mark he filed divorce on me while i was carrying his second child. Applied for green card then brought his WIFE from back home who i knew NOTHING about it. Now he and his wife live together in our once marital home, while im left struggling with two kids he doesn’t see. We dated for year and half before marriage. I met his family, some flew here some live in the usa and not one revealed to me he had a wife. I had to see their past wedding photos on his Facebook after our divorce and all his family were there at their wedfing. I got used,abused and heartbroken. BE CAREFUL DEAR!
    African America woman dating igbo man
    by: Anan D

    To the last poster, what you described was a high level of relationship fraud, I am really sorry that you have to go through all of that.

    You had a very bad experience with a desperate Nigerian man, my guess is that he was feeding on you while the relationship lasted, I am really sorry.

    Did he give any reason for the break up? You said he was 27 when you met him, here in Nigeria it is hard to find a man that is married at 27.

    Maybe, you were simply engrossed in love that you forgot to notice when something else was going on. It is not your fault dear.

    Despite your experience, you need to know that there are still descent Nigerian men out there, the problem with most of them is adapting to the way and style of the western world. We love our women because they are very obedient and SUBMISSIVE.
    no love here
    by: Anonymous

    run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!they love their own people…
    Check people you date
    by: Trish

    I am an american woman. I experienced the constant abuse and cheating but it wasn’t with a nigerian. It was with a guy from east africa. He gave me an incurable disease. It’s NOT hiv or aids. At the time I was in complete shock. I went through withdrawal, depression, and (I told my counselor this, my own family/friends do not know) but… I tried to overdose. This was six years ago. I am at a much better place in life, but I have to live with the HSV disease for the rest of my life. I’m only 28. Ladies not all are alike. Just get to know the guy very well and learn the culture. Get to know any guy very well doesn’t matter where he comes from. I have a cousin who was given the HIV virus from a guy she was dating and he is from the united states, both African Americans in their early thirties. He was cheating. Be careful with anyone now days this goes to both men and women, Pray ask God for guidance. I was never promiscuous, wild, or anything. I just ended up with the wrong dude.
    Dating an Igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    I have been married to an Igbo man for 25 years. We dated for 2 yrs. I can tell you that Normally they do not marry women with children. He may like you or even love you but his culture goes deep. You need to read on Nigerian culture. African culture is very strong good or bad. I wish I had read about Nigerian culture before thinking about accepting to date or marring my husband. I believe my husband feels he should have married someone he had more in common. Although things could have been just as hard because Nigerian women are changing. My heart goes out to you because by now his family should know who you are. The signs are not good. Move on, time waits for no one.
    Love Honestly
    by: Vira M

    Hello, I am a black american middle age woman and I have been in love with a Nigerian man for over 2 years and a half now. He has been the center of my life and is surely my hero. He makes my life complete and I believe he is my destiny. In the beginning of our relationship, he didn’t know whether to trust me and I him, but we chanced our hearts to eachother and I still wait for the day and hour we are together forever. I have heard so many negative things about you guys and I just wanna say, no matter what, if you are in love with someone in another country or not, just love honestly and watch your love grow tremendously. You will never regret doing things together and for eachother the right way. If it isn’t TRUE LOVE, then it will not last. Don’t make it hard for someone else to accomplish true love because of your wrong actions. Experience it for yourself and help it spread abroad like me and my TRUE NIGERIAN LOVE. I hope and wish to soon visit your country to show who I am that could help change negative lives into positive lives. I love people and has loved Africa from a child. Take heed to my saying and Love Honestly. We all deserve an everlasting true love. SMILE
    To Vira the previous commenter
    by: Anonymous

    Come back and tell us your story AFTER your Nigerian man marries you and obtains citizenship. You have wool over your eyes and can’t see the forest from the trees. I guarantee you your attitude will change and you will live to regret it. They DO NOT love or like black American women, they do not even like black Americans period. I have been around all people from different countries in Africa, grew up around them and I have heard there conversations and them talk among themselves. The relationships they encounter with Americans, white or black are all for profit, whether it be for a financial gain or citizenship. They target people that are vulnerable, like what they consider unattractive, but will lie and say they are attracted to… For example women that are overweight, ugly, older or young women with little children, broke, with some kind of low self esteem. I have heard African men talk about their own American wives among their friends in private. In their language calling them fat, ugly and lazy sitting around laughing, then go home to these American wives. After sometime the African men divorce the American wives and go get women from their own country and make them legal in the USA. They DO NOT like blacks in America or consider them equal. They associate themselves more with their own or people similar with their culture like the black West Indians/Caribbean people. They also associate more with whites in the USA, but some do not trust whites. But still they would hold a white person as a friend more than they would a black American. I have family from east and west Africa. I know these things. I have seen fraud from African men with the marriage thing in my own family so many times.
    to anonymous who said be watchful and carefule
    by: Neesha in response

    I am sooooo very sorry this happened to you. Some people are just bad people. It doesn’t matter where they are from….Nigeria or wherever. I have met my share of evil and wicked men here in America. It’s a shame but I hope you don’t put all Nigerian men in the same bucket. They are not all the same even by just saying Nigerian…there are Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, Edo…etc..I have found all are different in their own way..Not necessarily good or bad…just different.
    to anonymous who said be watchful and carefule
    by: Neesha in response

    I am sooooo very sorry this happened to you. Some people are just bad people. It doesn’t matter where they are from….Nigeria or wherever. I have met my share of evil and wicked men here in America. It’s a shame but I hope you don’t put all Nigerian men in the same bucket. They are not all the same even by just saying Nigerian…there are Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba, Edo…etc..I have found all are different in their own way..Not necessarily good or bad…just different.
    In response to Trish
    by: Neesha

    I am glad my original post is getting folks to talk about dating and love issues. I just wanted to say to you that your disease doesn’t define who you are. I am very glad that you are recovering and I hope you don’t try to take your life again. That evil man is not worth it. You have a life to live here on earth and make it count! Enjoy your life. Educate others and young children about your experiences. Hopefully you can do this without putting down an entire Nigerian culture. They are not all the same….I am still hanging in there with my love. I still love him much! He loves me too.
    in response to Anonymous married for 25 years
    by: Neesha

    Hello, This is a great story. Obviously you both love each other. I hope to say that I have been married for 25 yrs soon…I am willing to understand his culture like he is mine. Actually he is at an advantage because he knows both well. He has lived here in American since he was a teenager. I am the one getting to know his culture. He is very sweet. He shows his love in a different kind of way. But when he shows me I know. He wants to protect me, ask how my health is, take me to important doctor visits, fixes things at my house or will try, haha!! He may not have time every single day to sit and hang out with me, but I’m okay with that now. He has proven that he loves me in his own way…not by giving me flowers etc…but by being there for me when I need him..I know the culture pretty well. I am sure there are things I will never understand completely but I will have to accept if I love him and want to be with him. thanks for responding..
    in response to Vira and her responder
    by: Neesha

    Wow, I am glad you found true love. If it wasn’t meant to be it won’t be. I don’t believe we can live in fear, it’s not good! Enjoy the love you have for each other. All Nigerians are not wicked and they don’t all hate Black americans! I refuse to believe this. There are some, maybe many but not ALL Nigerians. That’s a huge sterotype. I don’t raise my children to think this way. Everyone is a separate soul and individual. Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves…everyone! For the person that responded so negatively, I am sorry that you are surrounded by such evil and wicked people. It sound like you are not the same…stay that way please don’t spread evil and hate
    response to anonymous Felix
    by: Neesha

    You are rude. 1- none of your business 2-none of your business 3- I am divorced, what makes you think I wasn’t married? I’ll be sure to send you an invitation to our wedding.. Not all Igbo men are like yourself. I definitely wouldn’t want you with that attitude. I am no slump, I look great for my age and I’m a nurse handling my business. And he loves my Nigerian meals…thank you
    to neesha
    by: anon

    I very sorry but he(felix) the commenter before you respond is saying you the truth. This is how we Igbo men really do feel about the black americas woman. My family disown me if I was marry a black american. No matter her education or cooking. In our culture it is taught to us at very young age to marry within our own tribe. Our family honor the Igbo woman in our culture. This man not reveal his true self as of yet and may be he just using you, maybe for sex. Right now you no see it, because love is blind. Atleast when he does reveal himself, you can say people here told you before hand in this forum.
    My opinion
    by: LaMonica

    Hi, I am new to this forum, found this headline by doing a google search. What does being a nurse and being able to cook have anything to do with keeping a Nigerian Igbo man? My first cousin was married 4 years to an Igbo man. I just learned of her split a week ago, after hearing some family members talking about it. She just moved back in with her parents 4 weeks ago. She is from Texas and husband is Igbo Nigerian man. She is an occupational therapist and her husband a RN. They met in college here, she graduated a year before him. She found out recently he was cheating on her with a woman from his country. A woman that just flew here in the beginning of last year, that is attending the local college here. My cousin’s in laws are also here in the states. The in laws were busy trying to hook the husband up with women from their country behind my cousin’s back. MY cousin is a smart, beautiful, intelligent, clean soft spoken woman. A christian young lady who comes from a church going family. She can cook her butt off too…. spent her times cooking, doing things for the husband. I was shocked to learn of her divorce because she seemed so happy and so did he! You never know what goes on behind closed doors. It shocked our family. I feel sorry for her because she is quiet and never bother anybody, have no kids and is approaching 30. She is not even quite out of her twenties yet. She is 29. Now she has to start over, back living home with her mom and dad. The family was crazy about him, he attended church with her also, no signs of any troubles. I hope your man is not that way, but from doing a research on their culture, i learned online and from word of mouth this is not as shocking as I thought. This seems to be very common.
    where i left off
    by: LaMonica

    I know my relative can make it on her own, what I meant by feeling sorry for her, I mean I feel sorry for what she is going through. I should have rephrased that. She makes a lot of money, but from what I know she left her job to move an hour away back in with her parents. I believe going through things like that can take a toll on a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. As of yet from what I know she is currently just at home, in the house not going anywhere after this recent split. I would advise Neesha to really pray about your situation before even considering marriage. I know our African American men can be bad too, but i never see them stoop that low by using American women marrying them and inviting them into their family, flying them cross country to meet family then dropping them like hot cakes. Wow! I don’t know what type of black American men you have met, but surely there are some good ones out there. What places have you looked? I’m starting to feel sorry for you, heck I feel sorry for all black American women. Seems you are just not valued enough. I’m black myself but half white. I don’t experience this.
    I am African American woman, dating Igbo man
    by: Fran6D

    No two persons are the same irrespective of their tribe race or background.
    I am an Igbo man in Nigeria. I have been married for nearly thirty years to an Igbo woman like me. But she is so domineering, minds her self and her family before marriage, and has negative influence on our three children.
    This is one of her many disagreeable ways which she craftily covered from me and opened them gradually over the time.
    I have only a married sister, so no extended family attachment. When I think back now, I only see deceits and lies. I will have to quite the marriage to be able to continue with life or die before my time. I may only marry again if I can regain confidence in women, though not from Igbo or Nigeria.
    You see, Who the cap fits, let them wear it. No stereotypes. Situations and conscientious considerations are just the solution to life. I am happy for your future happiness God willing.
    in response to Fran6D and Lamonica
    by: Neesha

    Thank you for sharing. I have always said that not all Nigerian men are the same. You have to even break it down to their tribe, where they grew up, here in the states or in Nigeria,How old they are, etc etc…I know a they have bad name because of the few deceitful men out there. They have made a bad name for the whole Nigerian country of men. I am sorry for what happened to your family Lamonica. Very sad. You only read the response. You mentioned what difference does it make that I am a nurse and that I cook nigerian meals. I was merely painting a picture of who I am. You would have to go back to my original post and not just base your comment off my last post. I am not desperate, I am in shape, fashionable, I look great for my age, I am loving and giving. I believe I’m in a better place now with understanding him. He shows his love differently. by being there for me when I need him and when we are together he gives me his undivided attention. Unless he gets a call from his parents, lol! He is already a US citizen, he wants to make sure it will last with me. I have a strong american culture of being an independent woman. Thinking that I don’t “need” anyone. Well I don’t need him but I “want” him. I only “need” my heavenly father. Fran6D I hope you find relief soon. You too will be happier one day… My original post was early 2012, so I have come a long way…He’s been in my life for over 3 yrs now. I have met his parents many times at church, not introduced as girlfriend yet, but they are not stupid, they know something is up. They give me that look…lol
    to Previous Commenter above me
    by: LaMonica

    I agree with you about mixing with your own kind, but do most Nigerians or African people look at all black americans as enemies? The reason I ask this is because I noticed many Africans, not just Nigerians, but many Africans have a serious dislike for black americans. I had a discussion about this with coworkers and family. We all came to this conclusion from witnessing the drama working with immigrants on the job and the negative situations some of my family members experienced. At least ten women in my family married African men. Nine of the women ended up divorced after the men became legal, but one couple has been married 27 years. Several men in my family are married to African women and have been 10 years plus going strong. Is this more of the men being dominant which is why the american women and african men don’t last? I don’t understand. I notice African women have a serious dislike for women that are not of their race. They even self hate by disliking their own, which is black americans. Your continent and it’s people are fu*ked up individuals with an arrogant, high strung self righteous mentality. Nigerian men are no better than any other men and will cheat on your a$$ too. I know this because even the men on my job that have african wives, try to fu*k the caucasion women on my job. These men are Registered Nurses and supposedly educated.
    Help!!!!!!
    by: Anonymous

    Can anyone tell me about the Bini’s tribe. What
    are they like or who they are. Please I need info.
    Thanks
    some words of advice from an Igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    1. It is very difficult if not amost impossible for an Igbo man to marry at age 27.The average minimum age is 30 or 31.
    2. an Igbo man naturally will never submit to a woman or allow equality with his wife,e if he is doing it now, HE IS FAKE.
    3. As per ur kids, if his mother or sisters or female relatives don’t accept u, u will hav trouble so work on this.
    4. If u are independent then change that and begin to depend on him for guidance and decisions or else, he will leave u one day. love doesn’t cover that.
    5. u must learn how to always cook for him, do all the house chores without complainin if u want him to marry u eventually or else he will leave one day.
    6. ur kids are already a minus for u so u hav to be 100% submissive bcos igbos scarcely marry a divorced woman talkless of a woman wit kids
    7. igbos live in extended families so if u are serious about marriage u MUST GET TO KNOW HIS FAMILY CIRCLE AND BLEND URSELF IN or when the chips are down, they wont be there for u. In Igbo community in Nigeria, before a man breaks up with his wife, he must hav the consent of his parents and siblings, if his parents are no longer there, his uncles etc. A man cant just leave a marriage, if they refuse and do not support him, he is glued to the woman
    feelings
    by: task

    Im a similar situation with the exception that our relationship is very new. It haa only been a few months. Im divorced with two children. I am 34 and he is 23. I tried over and over to cut this off after finding out his age but he continues to pursuit me. I am a black American. I ask alot of questions about his culture. Family is very important to me and i dont want him to be put in a situation were he has to choose. I dont want me in my children to be hurt either. He nor i have really evolved our family members. He will not take no for a answer but deep in my heart i know this will be a journey. I have all the comments to you both negative and postive and a pray it work out. But for me the relationship is fresh and it was good to hear someone’s in the same boat. Should i let it go. I know it will hurt him….?
    Naija Men and African American Women
    by: Anonymous

    I am an African American woman who haa been with her Naija Man(Igbo) for 25 years. I would not have any other way. True it has not always been easy, but it is workable.I was a divorcee with one child. I have been to Naijaland and I love the family. I think they feel the same way about me, give or take a few LOL. It is always me who reminds my husband to communicate and assist financially those family members who are need( only if it is warranted) Many Nigerian women do not like American women because of negative social media and lack of opportunity for social interaction. But woman are the same all over the world with the same challenges. once you get to know one another, you can have a great relationship and learn a lot from your Naija sister. Actually, the one thing I appreciate about Naija ladies is their candidness, and practical approach towards life. If you are in a relationship with a Nigerian man, love him, let him take the lead especially publicly,accept and love his family,learn to cook and spoil him a little for a start. Good luck and God Bless
    response to Task
    by: Neesha

    Omg! This is wonderful. I believe in love and I believe love can be deeper than culture. I love the Igbo man I am seeing and he loves me too! Nobody can convince me otherwise. He has been there many times for me when I needed him. You follow your heart and if your heart is saying you love him and he loves you… then go for it and put 100 percent of your love into him! I refuse to believe he has used me for sex for almist 4 yrs! You can find that anywhere! And he is very handsome..he can have whoever he wants but he wants me and I want him. Age difference is just a number. If both of you are looking past your age difference then no one else should care either. I wish you well. Always be truthful with him and let him be the boss
    African American woman, dating Ibo or any African man
    by: Anonymous

    This is not working for the African man at all . Because of the children,they consider a free zone girl. A pure African man do not like trailer
    Just run NOW
    by: Noe

    My Dear Sister i was in a very similar situation , the only difference is i meet his family and helped them so much that i lost myself one faithful day after so many trips and so much hard work he beat me to a pulp after i traveled to see him after I had a minor heart surgery , he never stop cheating i ignored it but when he beat me it was the last time he saw me and that was the last time i helped him and his family . He was in my life for 3years i did so much thinking he will one day join me but he never wanted that he was just using me . My Sister just no this he will NEVER accept you and his family will not care for you because your not of his tribe or culture SAVE YOURSELF , don’t waste anymore time me and my husband are also the age of you both he beat me up then sent me an email divorcing me. Think my Sister if its 2years and you did not meet his family you just think. All the best Noe
    I agree
    by: Anonymous

    I agree with Noe. Sooner or later he will eventually leave you….if he haven’t left yet. They (african men) usually are 99% never genuine with black American women. I see and hear the same story all the time from black American women where they were used for citizenship or if the guy ALREADY has citizenship. …then the American woman is used for sex. Sorry but eventually it will come time when your eyes are opened. Right now you are probably thinking you’re in true love.

    reply
  3. Other Commenters  September 12, 2017

    Just an advice
    by: Ayo

    My sister, its true that we nigerians dont like marrying a woman with kids, some may wants to, some may wants to use you, but some may pull out because of family pressures as mentioned above,. Dont mind what anybody says because our fates are different, and i want you to know that no spell caster can count little handful of sand in your palm. So pay no attention to that because only the Lord God almighty can give you your heart desire. My question is ” have you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour? I just wish to be offering you sincere advices that may make you successful in your quest for a happy home, God bless
    ]
    Self Worthy First
    by: Anonymous
    I was introduced to a Nigerian man to date a year ago. The signs were there but being the woman I am I played it for what it was worth. Remind you it took over five years for me to give it a try. We talked for a week before meeting. He cooked me dinner on first date. Convo was good. The following weekend, I spent the night. He tried to go down on me! Big no. I don’t know you. He thought it was an expectation of American women. Red flag #1… fast forward. He’s a liar and will do anything to get me and I take that for what it’s worth. I stopped seeing him for months and decided to visit. Told me all I wanted to hear, so he thought. For one I don’t want a relationship, commitment. Just a relaxing get away. He sold a boat load of lies nd all I can do is loose major respect. I can say don’t get caught in feelings or good time. They are sneaky, liars and slick. Love self first.
    letting go or let it be
    by: Anonymous

    I fell in love with an Igbo man which is not suppose to happen. I know he is younger than me for 8 years gap (at first i thought only 5 years), and my marriage is not yet annulled. I told him i don’t want anymore to go into a relationship where i know i will get hurt in the end. But in the end i fell in love. Just today we have a topic about marriage. He said in there culture a man can’t married a woman with kids. I was speechless and hurt. He said he will still take of me. I replied for now my answer is i don’t want to be the other woman. If your people tell you that you have to choose your wife, i will let you go. I’m so hurt cause i love him so much. I have never met a man like him. Sometimes i just wish i was born the same year. But i have to be thankful that i have met him. and once in my life i was happy with a faithful man.

    For now he is focusing on his studies, taking up higher education and im focusing on my business. Im thinking if i continue and give my best,(cross my bridge when i get there) or stop while it’s early.
    Know your Value
    by: Anonymous

    Oh no! Run sister girl!
    It doesn’t matter what culture. A guy should introduce you to his family at least after that long if your are truly of value to him. Family is important!
    I had a situation with one of my ex-boyfriends where he would always make excuses about me meeting his parents and introduce me as a lady friend. My family saw the signs and I ignored the red flags. He was really my first boyfriend at 23.
    A year and a half had passed and something just wasn’t right. He was like my best friend and he would tell me all kinds of stuff. (I’m in love with you foolishness but yet sometimes would be stand offish etc.) I prayed that God would open my eyes to see. I got a phone call from another women who said he had been with her for four years not even five minutes later from his phone. This guy and I melt four years ago and established a friendship. I had no clue!! God answers prayers. I was calm. She was calm and I made the choice to move on because I knew I deserved better. You deserve the best no matter what culture. I believe with any culture. Never lay down your values and take pride in yourself. Notice the red flags and love yourself enough to know when to walk away. I now have a friend who is Igbo and has been in the U.S since he was 6. But I still ask questions about his values etc. and that is what anyone I meet. I want to make sure that ours values match. I think long-term not short term.
    Leave and Live
    by: Anonymous

    Neesha

    He will not marry you! You need to leave him alone and leave your family out of this! Accept the fun you had and live! Trust me, live! Because that will become painful soon! I know!
    frustrated
    by: Anonymous

    I posted earlier but can’t view my post! What do I do? How am I gonna even see the response to this post? Lol
    GOOD OR BAD?
    by: Anonymous

    I was dating a Nigerian man from 26 December 2013. I enjoyed the food and the different things I learned. The man himself was a strange one. I had just met him and he kinda “kidnapped” me…for 6 and a half weeks he would take me to his room and I would perform all wife duties. Cleaning, washing and intimacy. All but cooking, coz I apparently didn’t know how to, after spending an eternity in my mother’s house….Anyway, this went on and on. On Fridays, he would pick me up and I would abandon m family for long periods to be with him( not worth it…)He would most time lock me up in his room and leave me there with only a tv to watch. I was so sad…He was very unstable, to a point where I had to help him pay his rent or he would borrow money all the time from me…
    He lived in 4 different places during the length of our relationship. For 11 months and hardly did we even kiss( don’t know why nigerian men hate kissing, let alone being completely devoid of any passion or emotion) Then, he moved again and I moved out my parents home to my sister. She lived a distance from where he lived, so travel was a problem. I visited him once out of my own, then he started acting strangely. No more calls, nothing and if I would call, he never answered, but that used to happen quite frequently. Then I was suspicious. I once again took a taxi to him, without mentioning that I’m going to visit him. Upon my arrival at his place, I noticed that his car was not there and I assumed he went out. Someone let me into the yard, coz where he lived was like a compound. Anyway, I went and stood outside his door and I heard activity inside, the tv was on. I knocked and he responded. I knocked three times and he hesitantly open the door and kept me there. I was baffled as to why he was acting so strangely. I asked him if I was disturbing him and he reluctantly let me in.
    What met my eyes hurt so much. So deep. His room was filled with females clothes, her underwear in his cupboards. Then I knew why my babe was acting strangely after only 2 weeks of NOT seeing him, he went and got another wooman. Simply because I could not pay his rent. He got her to pay his…

    So here is my story. I WILL NEVER DATE NIGERIAN MEN. They lie, use and emotionally abuse. No respect for South African woman. His name GODWIN ONLYESIS EJIMAGWA! I have forgiven him, yes, but will never forget what he done to me;-(
    Sorry to the last poster
    by: David

    I am really sorry that you had to go through all of that, but I think you should share part of the blame too. When a Nigerian man expects you to pay his rent, he is using you! Real Nigerian men take care of the girlfriend/wife and expenses.
    reply to Good or Bad comment
    by: Anonymous

    Hey dear I’m truly sorry to hear about your story, it seem that alot men from Nigeria are like that in nature to women from outside their culture. I’m recently going through a painful breakup from my past relationship with nigerian man who lived in Canada, I’m from the Caribbean but resided in Canada. I just feel so broken because I’ve been with this guy whilst he was going to school and though he didn’t had much time to go out and get to know each other much, I still stayed with him out of love and trusted him though their was disapproval from my family and close friends to stay away from nigerian men because they are no good, I ignored them and tried to optimistic about being with him – I mean not everyone is the same and you categorize someone base on their nationality. I’ve been with this guy when he was at his lowest, there was days when he had to loan money from me, he recently started changing and all the similar changes you saw in your ex, I also noticed from him, one day I decided to go visit him at his apartment, he wasn’t home, so I waited for him and when finally came-boy he wasn’t happy to see me he was like why did I come and drop me back to my place. Anyways to make this short, I never gave up on him, it was during my lowest times when I needed reassurance and some comfort that he broke up with me over a text message. I just found that he got married a few months after leaving me,to another woman who seemed to be from his country. I’m still suffering from the fact that he left me and now married. It’s one of the worst experience that I had to unfortunately go through in life. Right now I’m trying to recover from what I’ve through and just leave God to avenge for me. To Nesha,i say please be careful, the fact that you have your heart into it just scares me because I wouldn’t want you to go through what I’ve been through -heartbroken. Just pray about it and try to be observant or run before it’s too late.
    GOOD OR BAD?
    by: Anonymous

    And now it’s almost three weeks later. There has been apologies, forgiveness and many, many tears and heartache. Thank you for responding, I frlt so bad that it happened to me. Like a statistic. Our newspaper are full of the bad things these naiga guys do. ALL THE TIME…
    I do sympathise with you my dear. I got all the warnings too. My family was upset, my friends sceptical and I faced all of the slander and defended him. I saw all the red flags, but I wanted to be ignorant and I just got what was coming to me:-( I can’t imagine that when I get angery,because of neglect, that since when is it an excuse to cheat on someone. He told me it was because I drove him to it. LOL. Is that possible?

    No! it’s an excuse! My sentiments tell me that it’s not the first time. I caught him before, with all the dirty sms’s that he would text to other women, dissing me….

    It’s hurts terribly, know how much I gave of myself and all my time and yet the time I sacrificed to be with him, he used to run away, till the morning hours…

    WHAT i DO FOR LOVE IS AMAZING…

    He still keeps in touch. He apologised for cheating, but I won’t go back. I will talk to him and still try to make sense of all this, but one thing I know is tht I’m worth much more..
    Good or Bad (new2)
    by: Anonymous

    It’s funny how your story is similar mines and thee others I read. I’m actually feeling less depress about everything I’ve been through with this loser, I know I am much worthy than how he treated me. What I don’t understand is the lies he told me and how he made me to believe that he loved and I could trust with my life. I thought honesty was the best policy anyways we are indeed living in a very cruel world and I’ve learned my lesson with this dude. I pray I never fall in thing call ‘love’ with a nigerian man again, I had my share of hell with them. It’s very unfortunate that’s where I’m living that most of the men whose out looking to date are from Nigeria. I have nothing against the nigerian men but I can’t trust my life with them as far as I’ve experienced. It’s better to be real and not used people who have genuine heart. I am happy you also know your worth and has moved on. I wish my ex could apologize for the way he treated me as yours does but anyways life goes, there are good and bad in this world, we just have to keep praying and be observant in all we do.
    Good or Bad (new2)
    by: Anonymous

    It’s funny how your story is similar mines and thee others I read. I’m actually feeling less depress about everything I’ve been through with this loser, I know I am much worthy than how he treated me. What I don’t understand is the lies he told me and how he made me to believe that he loved and I could trust with my life. I thought honesty was the best policy anyways we are indeed living in a very cruel world and I’ve learned my lesson with this dude. I pray I never fall in thing call ‘love’ with a nigerian man again, I had my share of hell with them. It’s very unfortunate that’s where I’m living that most of the men whose out looking to date are from Nigeria. I have nothing against the nigerian men but I can’t trust my life with them as far as I’ve experienced. It’s better to be real and not used people who have genuine heart. I am happy you also know your worth and has moved on. I wish my ex could apologize for the way he treated me as yours does but anyways life goes, there are good and bad in this world, we just have to keep praying and be observant in all we do.
    GOOD VERSUS BAD
    by: Anonymous

    OK. I keep thinking about forgiveness. Is it for the weak-coz that I forgave him, does it make me a weak person? Coz I still love him or I’m I stupid??? THEN I would think about God’s forgiveness. When we ask for forgiveness, does He first think about it? whether He should or should not forgive me…Is the forgiveness immediate? I would like that! When Christ was crusified that day. Didn’t He ask His Father to forgive them for they do not know what they do? So, that Christ came into this world just to save me and forgive me. So many light years ago, He saw a picture of YOU and ME,crying, hurt and broken. He knows who’s responsible. His watching to see if we will forgive, just as he did or do we hold it, deeply etched into our hearts, how much “they” hurt us. Do we keep remembering the pain?

    Jesus is a healing balm for all who are hurt. Set yourself free! Jesus travelled so far to just forgive us. LETS DO THE SAME;-)
    Good or Bad (new2)
    by: Anonymous

    Amen. Forgiveness is easy to do but the pain is always there no matter how I try to forget it, I’m on my way to recover completely from what I’ve been through and I look at it as lesson learned. Sometimes I wish there was some enforced to stop men like that who used and advantage of genuine women, it’s just so unfair but thanks to God – I can say it well. It’s good to forgive but pain will always be there and that makes it harder to trust fully.
    GOOD VERSUS BAD
    by: Anonymous

    Exactly true! We should always remember that God will permit some things to happen in our lives,good or bad, coz He knows our imperfections and what we need to learn in order to perfect us to His perfect image. Time is the only healer. Some day, we’ll look back and the pain will be no more;-) only memories…….and then we will see a bigger picture. All is in God’s capable hands my dear. Ask God to heal us and help us learn. These guys will have to answer at some point in their lives to God, coz we all have to answer to only one God, YHWH, most Gracious and Merciful…amen

    Forgive him, that one who tore you apart, made you cry. Forgive him. Jesus lost His life for us and yet we mourn over broken relationships…my boyfriend cheated on me,but he screwed himself…LOL over and over and over! He will NEVER find another me again. He brings me lunch and money, but CAN NOT look me in the eye. My love remains for him. Always, forever!
    GOOD AND EVIL
    by: Anonymous

    Yes, I agree with you strong lady;-) we are blessed and highly favoured through our Lord Jesus Christ. Too blessed to be stressed. Continue in love and may this bring us yet closer to Jesus. He is the One we waiting for. Comforter and healer of all who are wary and heavy laden. I praise His holy name! Stay strong in Jesus. I’m happy that you seem positive. As for Nigerian men/creatures, I think that it’s not only them, lets not stereotype.
    Most men are that way. Users, abusers, sex lovers. TRUE.FACT. Women and be that way too. Abusers, users and sex lovers. That equals it out.
    It’s just a pity that this happens to the best of us my dear…We are stronger now than before.
    Truth
    by: Anonymous

    Was he married before? No, I guess. He is under great socio-cultural challenge to package you and present you to his family for acceptance. This family approval is key to understanding marriage from the Nigerian perspective. Sorry about my blunt language. I speak as a Nigerian man.
    I am afraid he is not even trying…
    Truth
    by: Anonymous

    Was he married before? No, I guess. He is under great socio-cultural challenge to package you and present you to his family for acceptance. This family approval is key to understanding marriage from the Nigerian perspective. Sorry about my blunt language. I speak as a Nigerian man.
    I am afraid he is not even trying…
    Truth
    by: Anonymous

    Was he married before? No, I guess. He is under great socio-cultural challenge to package you and present you to his family for acceptance. This family approval is key to understanding marriage from the Nigerian perspective. Sorry about my blunt language. I speak as a Nigerian man.
    I am afraid he is not even trying…
    Truth
    by: Me

    Was he married before? No, I guess. He is under great socio-cultural challenge to package you and present you to his family for acceptance. This family approval is key to understanding marriage from the Nigerian perspective. Sorry about my blunt language. I speak as a Nigerian man.
    I am afraid he is not even trying…
    God help me
    by: Anonymous

    I am a filipina married to a nigerian. We have one son and been married for 5 years. I dont Know nigerian culture before. Until now i read ur comments. Im very confuse now, ge is always cheating and didnt support our family needs. We stayed here in philippines, im the one supporting our family. He doesnt have work here but trying to sell something for a living. He went to nigeria, and one day i discovered that he married to his place to a nigerian also. Im very confuse now. I dont know if i will still wait for hs coming back. I love him so much
    in a relationship with a nigerian man
    by: prettycool

    Hello everyone! im a 35 years old pinay from Philippines,got 3 kids from past marriage…and now in a relationship with a nigerian man whos 26 years old..
    to be honest I have so many questions on my mind. .fears and doubts…now that ad read some comments here,…am feeling confused…but whatever happens am very much willing to share my own love story here may it failed or succeed..i know God will guide me and He knows am loving this nigerian man with all my heart…life is a constant change whatever happened, life must go on…hope you guys understand what am trying to say ,am not good in english but I tried my best to speak whats on my mind…God bless those who love sincerely. 🙂
    African American woman dating Igbo man.
    by: Surv. Eluwa E. C.

    Love is an interesting affair. It builds up on prospective subjects first slowly and then rapidly. But it can build up more strongly or fades out with realities. The realities in this love affair are
    (1) The woman is older
    (2) The woman is wealthier.
    The potential realities are that
    (1) The man may not have the right attraction for this woman in a future time. The age gap is of an appreciable magnitude.
    (2) The man may not need to ask but the reality is that there was a man or men behind the three children hovering around the periphery of the proposed relationship.
    I advice you lady, do not break your heart with a relationship that has unravelled realities. Reestablish the legitimate one among your previous relationships. You need to build your own relationship into what it should be. You remain a tenant or visitor or temporary occupant in a house you did not exercise the effort to build for yourself. Keep away from things that will make your future sad. That guy wants a happy future. No wonder the suspended commitment. Make yourself happy. It takes some efforts, self restraints, personal sacrifices to have a happy future.
    Engaged
    by: Anonymous

    I am an American woman engaged to a wonderful Nigeria man that,I met online. We have been communicating for three month..love each other..hasn’t met. I love him and he tells me that,he loves me. Have any advise about this relationship
    for whereeeeee?
    by: Anonymous

    Ok Sister.

    I am an igbo woman,raised in igbo land. Ask him to define the relationship and see what happens. If he grew up in the US, there is a good chance but if he was raised back home, he probably truly loves you but will not marry you.

    Igbo men do not marry older women,how much more ,one with kids,except ofcourse,you are economically convenient and the marriage will be a temporary one.I think he loves you but so afraid of the ridicule that would come with marryinv you.Thats why he tells his parents that you are just a friend.This is not 2cents, it a FACT.
    GOOD OR BAD UPDATE MARCH 2016
    by: Anonymous

    Ok. There’s so much that happend since then…the day ifound him in his flat n the lady’s clothes, I forgot to mention that I was pregnant by then. I dd tell him that day tht I missed a period. Then he arranged for a lift back to my sisters place. WE never spoke on the journey…just uncomfortable silence…he ask me what I would do if I confirmed the pregnancy and I tld him, then its mine, he wouldn’t see it. I gave bk his phone he gave me. Days came n went. I went to doc who confirmed my pregnancy. The one I took b4 had an indeterminte result.days came n went. I called him up n tld him I was preg. He was overjoyed! Me too…weeks went by and I started feeling ill. He was absent, distantby this time.everytime I called.he would tell me his far away…I was sad.I kept wondering. Don’t men n woman fight? Anyway,one day I got very ill at my sis.lower abdominal. Wnt to pharmacy, drank something a friend gave me nslept. The follwing week I became deathly ill.woke up sick n went to emergency rm 2am in the morning.I never called him.,ever went to work nxt day, was year end break. By the evening of 22 december 2014 I felt like death its self….
    an african american dating an igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    well dear as far as I know them and dating one, he is not introducing you, simply because you older and have kids and he is afraid of what his people will say. they will not approve of you, they very over protective of their kids, so just tell yourself that you having fun, and if I were you I would just move on. or maybe find another one who is a widower and have kids like you if you are so into Nigerian.
    They will marry their kind
    by: Anonymous

    Trust me he doesn’t want you like you want him first of all most of them will not marry a women that have kids already wake up they don’t tolerate that you are old and used up already that’s how they look at a divorced women
    Pray instead
    by: Anonymous

    Pray instead steadfast so god can give you that person that will love you for who you are and love you with or with out kids
    He’s Married With Children Already!
    by: Anonymous

    He has a wife and children back in Africa.
    leave with some dignity
    by: Anonymous

    Listen to the Igbos advise on here. He hasn’t introduced you to his family and the kids thing is true. They’re culture is very important to them and he will not deviate for you. He has to have his people on his side and I do not believe there is anything worth losing that in an Igbos mind. He won’t commit so if that’s what you’re looking for then you best let go now. It’s not the end of the world and I do hope you make the right decision.
    help older woman young Igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    im a african american woman and im dating an Igbo man. the thing is, is that im much older than he is , ive met most of his family and hes met some of mine, he tells me he loves me and he wants to marry me,but im wondering how true it is. i dont know if im leary because ive been hurt before or the fact that this is my first relationship with a younger man. i mean he compliment me all the time. in so many words he is the perfect gentleman. i love him also and i would like to marry him but im scared. sombody help me
    Leave With Pride Right Now Dont waste time.
    by: Lola Igwe

    Im so sorry to say but leave with pride remain friends but find another man your age group who is experienced or also has kids.

    He will not marry you as an igbo man after he has already been with you for 3 years with no validation. Igbo men marry their own tribe and Nigerian women most times or if American they prefer Nigerian Igbo American women more so than yoruba men.

    I’m a Nigerian women dating a Igbo man and I am Yoruba with different Nigerian tribes in my family but majority Nigerian to Nigerian marriages home or abroad. I look good , I’m educated and have no children and I am younger than my partner. I was introduced to his mother after 3 months!!! they accept me but would prefer an igbo wife for their son but are willing to accept a Yoruba woman. I can cook all Nigerian food and can also speak igbo language. If I marry an igbo man I understand the culture already and what is expected to be an igbo wife.If he has no children he may want 3 or 4 and you already have 3??

    Inter tribal marriages can be difficult between Nigerians alone not to speak of a Black American and on top of your baggage.Igbo man issues may be:

    1. You are way older which is taboo in Nigerian culture men like to be older than their women.

    2. You are the bred winner( Igbo men MUST be in command in a marriage and the bred winner)

    3. You are older so may be difficult for you to be submissive

    4. You have multiple children( This is a No go especially if he does not have any children of his own yet!

    5. Many Nigerian men do not like other men involved in their marriage( e.g Your children’s father)

    4. His family will ridicule him if he takes you seriously and marries you they will keep introducing younger childless women to him without baggage

    5. Many women save themselves for marriage back home as back home men do not really marry divorced women with 3 children when they can pick from many women to marry from their own tribe or another Nigerian tribe with similarities

    6. owning your home does not help the situation you are responsible which is a positive but an igbo man would also want to own his own home and be stable before marriage
    Leave With Pride Right Now Dont waste time.
    by: Lola Igwe

    Im so sorry to say but leave with pride remain friends but find another man your age group who is experienced or also has kids.

    He will not marry you as an igbo man after he has already been with you for 3 years with no validation. Igbo men marry their own tribe and Nigerian women most times or if American they prefer Nigerian Igbo American women more so than yoruba men.

    I’m a Nigerian women dating a Igbo man and I am Yoruba with different Nigerian tribes in my family but majority Nigerian to Nigerian marriages home or abroad. I look good , I’m educated and have no children and I am younger than my partner. I was introduced to his mother after 3 months!!! they accept me but would prefer an igbo wife for their son but are willing to accept a Yoruba woman. I can cook all Nigerian food and can also speak igbo language. If I marry an igbo man I understand the culture already and what is expected to be an igbo wife.If he has no children he may want 3 or 4 and you already have 3??

    To Neesha
    by: Anonymous Married to Igbo Man

    I am married to an Igbo man. I really do think the comments from people in Nigeria are irrelevant. In America things are totally different. Some Africans come over here and get comfortable and forget all about their religion, so someone in Africa that’s never been here will never understand. Comments from African women listen but let it go out the other ear. African women do not like to see their African men with African American women but would rather see them with a Caucasian women. My husband said African women come over here and think they are to much. About your question, has your Igbo man went back home? If so you need to go with him and always follow your heart and not your mind and please do not listen to all these comments. I’m in Texas and Africans in Africa will fall to their knees if they found out how some of their people are living in America.
    Reasons why he wont
    by: Josh

    Hope he finally introduced you to his familfamily?

    Well, to call a spade a spade, these are the reasons why hhad not:

    You are older with 3 kids from a previous relationship.
    Considering these facts, he won’t have a problem introducing you to his parents but when they ask him about you, he can’t lie to them. If he finally open up about you, his parents will frown at it. They won’t have a problem if you are younger with kids or if you are older with none.

    However, they’ll respect their son’s demand.

    Igbo men are not intimidated by succesful or more succesfull women.
    naija men bad news
    by: naija woman

    Thank you all who have hung in there with ya naija men for over 10 years. The beginning is the foundation and where attention should be. If a naija guy spends less time with you than his work and claims church RUN RUN RUN. If he is not a citizen you must definitely not rush into marriage for at least 2 years. Get to know him well well. Some can pretend till Jesus comes that they love you but have their own intentions of getting something from you. Test them by breaking up or loosing contact for 3-7 months with them as soon as you begin to fall in love and see their reaction. See if they genuinely give a damn about your black american family. I tested 3 white boys they left me and I knew it wasn’t worth fighting for but the naija boy jumped a lot coz of the time he had invested in me and he needed his green card badly. RUN run run they are more bad apples in that naija basket of men than naija folks like myself may want to think but seriously they like to take take take advantage any chance they get. So buckle up find other foreigners like Asian men who will worship God first then you b4 themself.
    naija men bad news
    by: naija woman

    Thank you all who have hung in there with ya naija men for over 10 years. The beginning is the foundation and where attention should be. If a naija guy spends less time with you than his work and claims church RUN RUN RUN. If he is not a citizen you must definitely not rush into marriage for at least 2 years. Get to know him well well. Some can pretend till Jesus comes that they love you but have their own intentions of getting something from you. Test them by breaking up or loosing contact for 3-7 months with them as soon as you begin to fall in love and see their reaction. See if they genuinely give a damn about your black american family. I tested 3 white boys they left me and I knew it wasn’t worth fighting for but the naija boy jumped a lot coz of the time he had invested in me and he needed his green card badly. RUN run run they are more bad apples in that naija basket of men than naija folks like myself may want to think but seriously they like to take take take advantage any chance they get. So buckle up find other foreigners like Asian men who will worship God first then you b4 themself.

    reply
  4. Other Commenters  September 12, 2017

    madness, hot mess
    by: disgusted

    DATED A NIGERIAN FOR TOO LONG, TO EMBARRASED TO SAY JUST HOW LONG, JUST PURE NONSENSE, MADNESS, MISERY. EVERY THING THAT I’VE READ ON THESE SITES ABOUT THESE MEN, I’VE EXPERIENCED FIRST HAND.I DON’T EVEN WANT TO START WITH THAT INTITLED BEGGING FAMILY, ESPECIALLY THAT MOM. SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE COULD JUST MOVE INTO MY HOME AND RULE. FINALLY I JUST WENT THE HELL OFF AND KICKED BOTH OF THEIR ASSES OUT OF MY HOME. GOOD RIDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.PROUD TO BE A INDEPENDENT AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN.
    Praying for you
    by: Anonymous

    You have to be careful I dated a Nigeria man for awhile and found out that he had a Wife back in Nigeria
    The Biggest Con Artist
    by: Anonymous

    Listen your not a Nigerian like I am. Igbo men are very traditional and very proud. They will say all sweet things in the beginning but once your married things change. If he truely loved you why can’t you speak to his family at least on phone or skype. Mitch is friends in America. Come on he is using you and you can not see it. Yes most Igbo men are hard working. It is in our DNA to work hard. We want the finer things in life. Family is everything to them especially their family in Nigeria. In fact you need to even break up with him and see how he reacts. If he is really devasted or just does not%st and take care of your kids.d take care of your kids.
    Igbo men use women to stay get green card
    by: Anonymous

    Okay I hope everything works out for you but I am speaking from experience he may just be using you to get a green card so please be careful. Nigerians are known for using relationships to stay in the country.

    But if this is true love I wish you the best but with igbo men I will be hard for him to tell his family you have othe children and given your age he would his own children especially a son that is his tradition. His family would never accept a woman older with so many children.

    It is sad but it true NIGERIANS use people to stay in the country. I have had my own very bad experience with this. I wish you the best but he careful. So you don’t get your heart broke and your children’s heart broke.
    Stop being stupid
    by: Anonymous

    …you had children out of wedlock not his, not a virgin, American, etc…they have no regard for American women except for fun. 2 years…you should have moved on by now w/ American man.
    Your relationship with the Igbo man.
    by: Anonymous

    Sorry I don’t mean to burst your bubble but that man won’t marry you. There are just too many red flags in your relationship and I’ll list some:
    1. His going off for as long as two days without contacting you shows he doesn’t love you.
    2. The both of you have been dating for three years and he has never introduced you to his family? Despite the fact that he is an adult with a means of livelihood he can use to support a family? This shows he won’t marry you dear because an average Nigerian man who is of marriageable age with a source of income doesn’t wait up to 3 years before introducing a woman he loves to his family as his future wife.
    3. They don’t ever marry women older than them.Nigerian men love much younger women than themselves.
    I am a Nigerian woman so I know all these. I think you should just move on and forget this Igbo man. Yes your heart will break but the earlier for you the better and the heartbreak won’t kill you dear. Life is short! Pray to God and He will give you a man you can have a lol happy home with .
    Your relationship with the Igbo man.
    by: Anonymous

    Sorry I don’t mean to burst your bubble but that man won’t marry you. There are just too many red flags in your relationship and I’ll list some:
    1. His going off for as long as two days without contacting you shows he doesn’t love you.
    2. The both of you have been dating for three years and he has never introduced you to his family? Despite the fact that he is an adult with a means of livelihood he can use to support a family? This shows he won’t marry you dear because an average Nigerian man who is of marriageable age with a source of income doesn’t wait up to 3 years before introducing a woman he loves to his family as his future wife.
    3. They don’t ever marry women older than them.Nigerian men love much younger women than themselves.
    I am a Nigerian woman so I know all these. I think you should just move on and forget this Igbo man. Yes your heart will break but the earlier for you the better and the heartbreak won’t kill you dear. Life is short! Pray to God and He will give you a man you can have a lol happy home with .
    I am the original author of this post..and GUESS what?
    by: Neesha

    Wow!… Alot of responses to my original post from years ago. I am married now! To a wonderful, giving, caring, handsome Yoruba man! Yes Yoruba…he treats me like a queen. Or as he says his egg. He loves my children and family and they love him back. We met and married soon after. 3 years now! I am glad my relationship didn’t go anywhere with the Igbo person I loved before. He was cheating on me. He Accidentally sent me a text he meant for her! He was a jerk! I was sooooo hurt. My husband healed my broken heart! I love him. Thank you for all the comments over the years.
    i am a south african lady dating an igbo men
    by: Anonymous

    Hi am a lady in my early 30 am dating an igbo men, we met 2 years ago and on our 3 year we had a bby girl, he told me that he has a child back home, and when we first men he had a pic of his bby mom on his phone and when i asked him he said its there bcos of the sacrifies dat lady has done for him, when i ask him he never talks abt going home, and he never tells me anything abt his family unless i ask him,i feel like am been taken for a ride plss advice i wanna leave
    Igbo man
    by: Anonymous

    Hello I’m 28 years old
    I’m dating a Nigerian man and he is from the Igbo tribe.
    I have 2 children from a marriage which was abusive..
    I love him very much n he loves me but he tell me that our furture would not go further then just dating.
    He says the only way he would marry me if he gives up his linage.. which I wouldn’t want him to do that. I believe we could work as husband and wife but he says no.
    Pls is there any faith in this relationship?
    With Ibo Man for 20 years
    by: Anonymous

    I have been with a Igbo man foe 20 years; I men him when he was 30 and I was 50; he didn’t tell me his age, and because we looked same age (I looked very young for my age); I also had five-children 3 in college; he had been in America so long but was contemporary minded. He has never had children; and I don’t know why he stayed with me so long; he says he loves me; I have met his family, but I know they want him to have children. I am thinking of moving on so that he can be married and have his children; I have told him that its I do not want to remain his in his life, because he really never showed love…no emotions, doesn’t talk much…but we stayed together and were in business together. I believe this is a painful situation for us both but I do not want to stay in a relationship with him because he truly doesn’t love me…I could be wrong. He thought we might have a sister-wife relationship; but can’t talk to me about it and gets angry when I try to gain understanding on how we may live when he gets married (we never married)…he says he doesn’t want to leave me but just want to get married and have children; I don’t believe him because what woman would want to marry a man and have children for him an he stays with a women 16 years his senior. This doesn’t make sense to me and I am just trying to be the bigger person. I seek advice. My parents and bothers are all died…I am alone with this heavy load. Its not so easy parting after 20 years…but I believe he just don’t know how to say it.
    Poor baby
    by: Ini pow

    Dear Sweet misguided sister. I am so sorry but he is only using you . I have never ever met a Nigerian man who is not clingy . He doesn’t want you. He is keeping time with another women who is more worthy of him . Not soiled with 3 kids. I usually have to hold them at bay. I have no children and that is considered a commodity . I would gather my self esteem and move on. I don’t know if any of your children are girls but what kind of message do you think your sending to your children pining and waiting for a man . Men like a challenge not a floor mat.
    Dated a Nigerian (Yoruba) man
    by: Deceived

    When I met him, his ex had just dumped him. She was black American. That’s how they refer to us. They had been living together for 5 years. He ended up being “homeless” for a couple of months during that time, Staying with friends or in his semi truck. He was born here in New York, but raised in Nigeria. He came back here with a degree in accounting. He didn’t use that degree here (or couldn’t find work in the field). He had worked as a valet, cab driver, and when I met him he was driving truck for a company. During the “homeless, yet working ” period I never offered him my place. I have a daughter and was not willing to risk her innocence for a man! He respected that. We continued talking all day everyday and dating on weekends. I was 39 and he was 37. He paid everytime, except for once, when I offered. When his cash was low I sponsored a picnic on the lake front. He found an apartment and that was our “spot”. We were in love. He told me regularly that he loved me. I was there every weekend and random weekdays. Once he got settled in the apartment, the dating and spoiling stopped, but he showed his love by cooking for me , ordering takeout, and things like that. He said he was saving money. Silly me, I thought that was admirable. I knew his daughter by an older black American woman and he knew my daughter. I met his cousins here, in Chicago, and a handful of his friends, his Pastor, and the people at the church picnic! He ended up purchasing his truck, and soon, the big bucks should come. I was so proud of him. In October his parents, the pastors, came so they stayed in his place. I met them after about 2 weeks, but his one bedroom apartment was cluttered. He introduced me in Yoruba and they hugged me! We had small talk, but he and I left shortly afterwards. I saw them the next week too. I took a trip in November with my daughter and he had one planned the following weekend with friends. I brought him a few souvenirs and he brought me nothing, when I finally saw him the week after he came back. This was an eye opener because he always expected a souvenir from anyone who traveled, so for him not to bring me one, was a bit hurtful. He claimed that he had been sponsored by his friends and didn’t have money for it. Ok fast fwd to Dec. My mom was ill so I spent most days after work at the hospital, so I didn’t see him much. Christmas, I got no gift. He claimed broke. I Didn’t see him on any of the holidays just days before or after, but we continued to talk all day everyday (weekdays) because my job as a driver too. His weekends got busy with “errands, church, helping friends ” and he got to me when he could. I knew something changed with us after I came back from my trip. Ironically, in January, his church did the Daniel fast. I joined in one week late, but did 21 days. I researched and found that this was a fast of revelation. I asked God to reveal if he was my husband and to give me grace if he wasn’t. The fast ended one day before ” the call”. Feb comes, and one day after we had been talking all day, he called me. I was on the phone, so I called him back later. A woman answers and says that he is in the shower. She knew my name and said ” you’re his friend, right?” I said “I’m his girlfriend for over a year and you are?” She says “his wife”. Turns out he married her in November and had been planning to marry her for 3 years! Now, remember he had just been dumped by his ex a year and a half ago. Then I came in and we hit it off right away.. Needless to say I was broken hearted. Apparently he married in Nov but moved in with her at the end of Jan. Turns out, his parents had come for the huge wedding, that I found out about via their online registry, and saw the wedding video, once I googled his name, with the correct spelling. So, I haven’t seen him since our last encounter before “the call”. He has apologized but insists that he married her because she paid him $7000 for citizenship. She’s also Nigerian. I don’t believe him. He wants me to continue what we had because ” it’s not a real marriage”. I just walked away. I do want to believe that he loves me and I do him, but he is now a married man, so he is off limits. God has my own husband out there for me, and I will not let Olumuyiwa, be the cause of me missing him. I don’t know what I could have done differently to avoid the deep hurt I experienced, but life goes on…
    HE IS USING YOU
    by: Anonymous

    He is using you. He is stringing you along. I Am with an Igbo man. They do not like to take care of another man’s child and they are intimidated by successful women
    Your alarm bells (instincts) are going off for a reason. Listen to it. Instead of placating him with too much show of affections, TEST him. Give him a dateline to introduce you to his family as his long time girlfriend. If he doesn’t, you can continue with him if you want to but know that everything he says is bullshit.
    When he is ready he will walk away and go to Nigeria to find a 20 something naive girl that will be submissive to him. Think carefully and objectively. Does he do for you as much as you do for him? Are you giving 90 % while he barely give 10% and wants to keep you in the shadows?

    reply

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